like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
