Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
