I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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