Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
