is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize