Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
