Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
