Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize