Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
