i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
