awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
