Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
