batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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