So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
