i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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