We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize