he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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