i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
