..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
