they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
