I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
