He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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