i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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