After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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