I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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