We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
