I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
