After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
