I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
