You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize