Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
