Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
