Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
