we have officially lost it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
