I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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