he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
