i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
