Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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