That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize