Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
