Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
