I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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