You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
