I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
