I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
