yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
