I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize