Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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