i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
