Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
