I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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