This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
