I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
