Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
