Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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