I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize