kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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