I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize