If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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