the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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