just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
