Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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