There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
