I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
