I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
