Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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