Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
