If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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