so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
