i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
operation have a gay friend backfired
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
