it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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