Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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