Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
