My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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