the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
